Diverse thoughts

After my children’s mom and I split up, I have the kids every second week, and it’s an arrangement that works for us. I didn’t move very far, and my apartment is about 200 metres away from their mom’s house. That means that I also get to see them on the weeks they are not at my place if I need to, or if they need to.

During July the kids spend two weeks at their moms, and then two weeks with me. The reason is so that it is easier for us parents to take them on a vacation trip without having to limit the trip to 6-7 days. Due to this, I don’t get to see my kids for another week and a half, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. How should I feel? In some ways it is liberating, and I can do whatever I want. In others, I truly feel that I’m missing out on the stuff that they do during these two weeks. It’s summer and that’s the period during the year that one normally get to spend whole days and weeks with ones children. I know this can be stressful. I wrote about that in my last post Vacation expectations, but at the same time I feel like I’m really missing out. They are going on adventurous trips were they experience new stuff, and I’m not a part of that. That makes me sad. I feel like I’m being selfish when I’m having fun without them. The same feeling I had in the beginning right after we separated. Tonight I’m going out on a dinner date, and I can’t stop thinking that I’m being selfish. Spending money on myself that I could have spent with them right now.  At the same time I know that they are doing alright. They are having fun visiting theme parks, and I will use the next week planning what to do when they come to be with me.

I guess I have to live with these diverse thoughts as long as I have made decisions in my life that’s causing them. It’s self-inflicted, and I know that. But that doesn’t make the diversity of the mind any less real. The thought’s are still there. But I can’t help feeling that I should have been there for my kids, all the time, all summer. Are they missing me? I really miss them.

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